Emotions

So, Tom and I have both agreed that we are happy with two children and that Eliana has made our family complete. However, I can't stop feeling so sad about it. I look into Connor's eyes, and at his growing face, and am just in awe of him. I want to freeze time so badly now. There is going to be a time very soon when he wants me to drop him off a block away, give him a kiss before getting in the car to leave, or when he'll just whiz past me with a smile just for his friends (that happens a lot already!).

Life is hectic lately, yet I am trying very hard to live in the moment; Connor's moment. Yes, I love Ellie. Yes, I drink her in too, but there is just something about my baby boy, my little man. Looking in his eyes, I can see his light; I can feel it. Lil C's face is changing. He no longer has "baby fat." He is maturing, as only a 3-year-old can. The words he speaks are funny, kind, compassionate, and simple. Hmm...reminds me of someone else I love very much. His room in my heart grows bigger and bigger everyday.

On the days Connor is not at school, I try my hardest to really make his days all about him, and Ellie is just our little tagalong. His big blue eyes capture me into moments that count, like doing a puzzle together, talking about our day at lunchtime, or just playing cars and dinosaurs. His hugs are strong, his kisses are sweet, and his words are meaningful ("I love you, Mommy." "I like when Ellie talks to me." "Good job, Ellie bug!" and "I like when Ellie laughs."). 

The firstborn always has a special place in your heart. I've heard it from people before...now, I know. 

I love you bud! You are smart. You are kind. You are important.